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1) I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. 2) Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether. 3) Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege. 4) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 5) Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me. 6) Does vacuuming count as Aerobic Exercise? 7) Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places. 8) Time is Nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't go wrong at once. 9) The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. 10) I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. 11) If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? 12) There's no speed limit on the Information Superhighway. 13) It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission. 14) There are two rules for ultimate success in life. Never tell everything you know. 15) Do unto others, then run.....................
* Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill. * Never miss a good chance to shut up. * Motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. * Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day. * "Sumpter ubi sub ubi!" ("Always wear underwear!") * There's two theories to arguing' with a woman. Neither one works. * If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop digging'. * When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. * One good turn gets most of the blankets. * Even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. * Never lick a gift horse in the mouth. * It's always darkest before dawn. (So if you're going to steal the neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.) * Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. * To cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. * Two wrongs are only the beginning. * The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. * Remember: it's pillage first, burn second! * A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. * Good quality underwear is worth the extra cost. * Eat horse dung, 50 zillion flies can't be all wrong! * Don't want to lose something? Put it in your underwear drawer. * The second mouse gets the cheese. * The early worm gets eaten! Home
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