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Mens advice to women:



- Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'
- If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.
- Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.
- Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Only wearing your new lingerie once does not send the message that you need more. It tells us lingerie is a bad investment.
- Please don't drive when you're not driving.
- Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.
- The quarterback who just got pummeled isn't trying to be brave.
- He's just not crying. Big difference!
- When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine.
- What do you mean, 'leering?' She's obstructing my view.
- When I'm turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, saying 'Oh, this is our exit, Honey' is not really necessary.
- When you're not around, I belch so loudly that I even appall myself.
- The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be slightly to moderately cooler than you want it.
- SportsCenter starts at 10:00 P.M. and runs one hour. This is an excellent time for you to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer, or talk to your sister.
- Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?
- If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
- You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.
- It's in neither your interest nor ours to take the Cosmo quiz together!
- The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.
- Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.
- When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.
- When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.
- If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.
- If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.
- If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.
- I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.
- Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occassion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.
- Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.
- If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.
- I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.
- Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.